Wednesday, May 14, 2014

How Did I Survive Life & Love After HEARTBREAK? By Terry D.

How did I survive life & love after Heartbreak

I hear my clients say all the time:
 Maybe I’m not meant to be with anyone
 I don’t think I can survive another failed relationship
 At least I have someone
What’s wrong with me?

NO NO NO – stop that foolishness
Well, let me tell you:
I dated someone for years that was a compulsive liar, and a repeat offender of cheating.  I continued to forgive him – I know what you’re thinking – who in their right mind would stay with someone like that?  I asked myself the same thing, and thought I would never escape my self doubt and insecurities.  See, it wasn’t him to blame for the madness, it was me for not thinking I could do better, but YES, I survived, and I’m free.  I’m free mentally, physically and emotionally.
There is life after Heartbreak!
You name it, I've been through it, as a lot of us have, but I covered up my insecurities with sex and loveless relationships!  Judge me if you want, but I feel like someone lifted a Mack truck off my heart.  My biggest breakthrough came when I had a complete meltdown in the middle of my bedroom floor.  Crying uncontrollably, and releasing the toxins and stench of deceit.  

After I realized I didn't love myself enough, I started counseling, I prayed, I STOPPED lying to myself, I accepted what “I” contributed,  and I finally started confiding in my close friends.  I needed an outlet, and I was no longer going to hold this all in.  To my surprise, there were other women going through, or had been through something similar.  Don’t get me wrong, everyone won’t understand, and it’s not for them to…
So, for those of you who may be struggling with this same issue, here’s what helped me:

It’s a process, and there’s no quick fix, but it’s not your final chapter – keep reading
  I had an accountability partner who I called when I thought I was getting weak
I remained in counseling
I stayed prayed up
“If you don’t seek help, you will continue to repeat and attract the same characteristics in men!” –Terry D.

IN BETWEEN THESE STEPS, I CRIED A LOT, SOMETIMES DOUBTED MYSELF & EVEN SLIPPED UP AND CALLED HIM, BUT I DIDN’T GET TOO DOWN ON MYSELF, THAT I COULDN’T RECOVER, GET BACK UP & KEEP IT MOVING…

I actually wrote down the things that happened, where it took a turn and why I stayed so long
 I stayed away from dating until I was healed and able to trust
 I FORGAVE HIM, AND THEN I FORGAVE MYSELF

Forgiveness was key, but I also had to get to the core of the problem, and why I thought any of this was okay.  Counseling definitely helped me with this and boy oh boy did I get clarity, and the true healing began…
What was my core problem?  It was the negative seeds mentally planted throughout my life, that I never knew would contribute to my dysfunctional relationship habits.
Don’t allow others to judge you because of your choices, because everyone has been through something, going through something, or may very well be on their way to something, and we all cope differently, none of us are exempt…

Terry D. Editor-in-Chief
Love Chapters

Helping Grown Folk Write Their Next Chapter of Love

Terry D. is an avid Relationship Blogger, and invites you to follow her BLOG at www.lovechapters.net, follow her on twitter @love_chapters 

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