Wednesday, May 14, 2014



This week, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about whether a woman has to choose between love and career.  My friend is a 30-something-year-old attorney.  She was recently, offered a job opportunity in L.A. that will allow her to take her career to the next level and expand her professional network.  Her boyfriend is Certified Public Accountant (CPA).  He works for an accounting firm in Chicago and is not able to move with her to L.A at this time.    
My friend and her boyfriend are in love, but she is uncertain about how the move to L.A. will impact their relationship. If she stays in Chicago, she will be able to spend time with her boyfriend regularly and knows they will ultimately get married.  She is struggling with whether to stay in Chicago for love or move to L.A. and advance her career.

Of course most of us remember, the controversial December 10, 2009, Washington Post article Successful, Black & Lonely, which details the challenges African-American women in major cities have finding a soul mate.  My friend’s decision is further complicated by societal pressure to not mess up her relationship, because she has found the pot of gold under the rainbow (a black male, with a college degree, who actually wants to be in a committed relationship).  It is understandable my friend would have reservations about moving to LA to advance her career.


As an attorney myself, I constantly have to identify what is the real issue my clients are dealing with and counsel them on that issue.  My friend’s situation could be described as a question of RELATIONSHIP VS. CAREER.  I will leave it to the relationship experts to give tips and advice on how to balance having a relationship and a career.

 When it is a question of LOVE VS. CAREER there is never a choice to be made.  Frequently, as women we abandon our career goals because we believe that is the way to maintain a relationship.  Only to later find ourselves lost and unhappy.   Life is about being true to yourself and personal growth. It has been my experience that when a woman is secure in herself, she attracts a soul mate that will support her professional goals.

Life gives us challenges to test our resolve and the strength of our relationships. As women, entrepreneurs, and career professionals we have to be willing to embrace uncertain situations and step out on faith.  Things ultimately work out as they should in the end.  My friend’s boyfriend has expressed a willingness to look for career opportunities in L.A.  As he says, “I’m a finance guy and the way I see it people are always going to need my services no matter where I am.”        

When faced with the LOVE vs. CAREER question always remember this saying from @marriedmandaily, “If it does not last it isn't love.  If it does not survive it isn't love.” So go get your California dream.

Use the comment box to share with the BOSS community your thoughts on the LOVE vs. CAREER and LOVE vs. RELATIONSHIP question.

Johnetta G. Paye, Esq.

Visit Johnetta website: and follow her on Twitter: @jpayeesq 


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