The Love We Lost By Terry D.
No, life is not the same, and yes, life is more
complicated now, and there are way more variables that are in play now, but
let's talk about the foundations that were not negotiable, when our parents
dated, the ones they hoped to pass onto us, and how they held their marriages
together, in spite of...
None of these lessons start when you're grown.
These values are put into motion early. If we want change, if we
want the divorce rate to decrease, and the marriage rate to increase among
African-Americans, we have to be the change agents!
The
Foundation - They Took Us To Church
All of us knew that Sunday morning was reserved for
church. For that matter, a few more days of the week as well. Even
if we didn't want to be there, we went, participated, and the seed was being
planted and rooted, but somehow along the way, we began giving our children a
choice, as we attended service on Sunday, as they stayed home and slept.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is
old he will not depart from it.
The
Parents Were Involved
You couldn't just pick up a young lady, by blowing the
horn, and before you started leaving the house together, there definitely had
to be several supervised dates at the house. They did things together
with the family, so that everyone could get to know the character of this young
man. If he didn't seem to have her best interest at heart, it wouldn't be
long before he was no longer allowed to come around, and even if the daughter
was hurt, she respected her parents, because she knew there were
consequences.
The
Father Made It Crystal Clear of What was NOT Going to Happen, While Someone
Dated His Daughter
When a young lady brought home a young man for her
parents to meet, the father and the brothers made sure he saw them, and let
their presence be known, and the unconditional love they had for her.
Just in case he wanted to disrespect her, by calling her names, put his
hands on her or step out-of-pocket for any reason, he knew he would have
someone to answer to. We have to be unapologetic in teaching equal
respect to not only our daughters, but also our sons. It will be
reluctantly acknowledged, mimicked and appreciated later.
They
Taught Us About Love, Through Action
We may have seen them fight, but we also saw them work
through it, and honor their vows. When things got a bit thick, that's when the
foundation helped, because that's when you saw/heard Mama praying. They
loved us enough to discipline us, when we were wrong. The main component
to their love, was that they didn't fight for power, they shared. Sometimes, just the basics may be not be
enough, but God has always been enough, and that is where the love begins.
You have to put the work in, because our children really do imitate our
actions. It means something to attend church with your parents, It means
something to see functional relationships as a child, it means something
to know that love begins at home and it definitely means a whole hell of a lot,
when you can use these same tools to keep that foundation together.
Terry D.
Editor-in-Chief
Love Chapters
Helping Grown Folk Write Their Next Chapter of Love
Terry D. is an avid Relationship Blogger, and invites you to follow her BLOG at www.lovechapters.net, follow her on twitter @love_chapters
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