Are you really ready for love? With love comes great responsibility, and if you're not disciplined enough to love you; what makes you think someone else wants to inherit those same disheveled behaviors into their lives? Make yourself more than just arm candy.
Have you ever looked at a couple, and thought to yourself, “How’d she get him?” Yes, to a narrow judging eye, they seem like a mismatch, but to one another, they're perfect. You see, that person took the time to prep for their husband. The appeal exudes from what a person innately possesses, not just to what appears on the surface.
Now, this isn’t to suggest that you wait to get married, until you have everything together, because you'd be single forever, but there are a few intricate steps we should all want to consider, in order to alleviate any unnecessary added stress that already is the inevitable in .
Don't be afraid to do a self-assessment, and then take that same assessment, and ask someone you trust, their honest opinion. It's never a bad idea to solicit an , but make sure they're objective and impartial. You are not looking for someone that agrees with everything you say...
Are you realistic in what your "dream" spouse looks like? If you have the same wish list at 40, that you had at 20, BURN it!!! As you grow, your values and expectations grow, or at least they should. You really do want to know what their long term goals are, instead of, what kind of car they drive.
There are some tough questions that you need to ask yourself:
What have I done to prepare myself, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and YES, financially? How as a wife, can you be a helpmeet, if you have nothing to offer?
1. Have I honestly learned to be alone, and love ME? If you haven’t learned how to be alone, you will latch onto the first available person, and suck the life out of them, because of your clingy and needy nature.
2. Do I have value to add to this relationship, or am I just hoping for someone else to offer that for both of us? Know you, and value you enough to want to have a balanced relationship. Don’t’ expect someone else to give you, what you yourself can’t offer.
3. Have I checked my baggage at the door? No one wants to have to live the rest of their lives, paying for the sins of an ex.
4. If you're a more seasoned dater, make sure you consider the, "Stuck In Your Ways" syndrome, or this is just how I am - take it or leave it. Newsflash - they really don't have to take it. Remember, there are other people willing to compromise and meet in the middle. After all, relationships are all about compromise. When we’ve been out of the “game” for a while, we become accustomed to our own routine, and it’s not always easy to break those habits, but it is necessary, in order to have balance.
I don't necessarily believe that opposites attract. You won't have everything in common, but it’s probably not a good idea to not have anything in common.
REMEMBER: Nothing is done overnight, but your willingness for change is a start! Don’t put off today, what you matter as well get done TODAY!
Open your mind, and the possibilities are endless…
Terry D. helps “Grown Folk” create a lasting foundation for healthy and loving relationships.