Your Worth Behind the Scars by Andria S. Hudson

My left arm reflects a scar from my very first surgery. I was born with a little black mole on my arm that grew overtime until it became problematic. At 9 years old the doctors told my parents that it had to be removed surgically or eventually it would cause cancer. I’m sure you can imagine how I felt at nine years old hearing a medical diagnosis like that. I wasn’t so alarmed at the C word as much as I was on how my arm would look after the surgery was over. What would I tell my friends when they see the scar? Would my arm be scarred for life? Would my arm be ugly? These were the thoughts that ran through my mind as a little girl at nine years old. 

In 2009 I had another surgery but this time the scar wouldn’t be visible for everyone to see it. Although the scar would be in a place that only my husband can see, my mind began to overthink yet again about the appearance of another scar.

How would my husband view me? Would he still find me attractive? Would he still find me desirable? These thoughts, among others, ran through my mind as a young wife in her 30’s. 

Fast forward to 2018 and I’m faced with another surgery. This time through the C word. As the doctors repeatedly told me that my left breast may not be saved I struggled in my mind about my appearance. 

If I lose my breast, how would that alter how people see me?

If I lose my breast, how would that alter how I see myself? 

If I lose my breast, will my husband still find me attractive?

Again, I am dealing with thoughts of insecurity and uncertainty about my appearance as a woman now in her 40’s.

By the grace of God both of my breasts was preserved and my left breast endured a lumpectomy and several weeks of radiation. However, I have another scar to look at. Do I love myself enough beyond these scars?

In hindsight, I realized that my physical appearance was never jeopardized or compromised by people. No one ever said to me as a little girl after my first surgery, “that’s an ugly scar.” I know there are some mean difficult people in this world but even with that it’s not about  how they see YOU. It’s enemy number one who’s the most critical, the most antagonizing, the most sarcastic, the most down right at times pessimistic person you’ll ever battle.  You confront them everyday when you wake up in the morning. Brushing your teeth, coming your hair, dressing yourself, you stare at her and she stares right back at you. How do you see yourself? Are you proud of yourself? Do you really love yourself?

Compliments are nice. Validation is needed. But if you never receive a compliment, if you never received that validation that you’re seeking from a loved one, a friend, or a boss, will you still know that you’re valuable? Will you still know that you are worthy to be loved? Will you still know that with your scars and flaws, you are imperfectly, perfectly beautiful? 

Self worth is knowing who you are and making no apologies for it. Self worth is this invaluable strength that whispers in your ear during your moments of self doubt and tell you, “you are strong and you are valuable. There’s a treasure in you. There’s a gift in you and it will be seen and it will be felt by the world and it will not be misused or mishandled.”

Your self worth, my friend, is the greatest, priceless asset you could ever own. 

If it’s been damaged, it can be repaired. If it’s been stolen, it can be restored. 

But it doesn’t matter what I see for you. It matters what you see for yourself! 

Learn more about Andria at www.andriashudson.com Twitter: Lady_Andria