I’m Not Sweating The Small Stuff by Kia M.
It was in 2018 when I had my depressive break. I had never experienced anything like it before. I remember it vividly! I was in the room on the edge of my bed watching Black Ink, when I saw a story about depression. My daughter was present, and she was trying to console me. I had been triggered by what I saw and couldn’t get myself together. Although she could see my pain, she was unable to settle me. For all the hugs, love, and support she offered, she couldn’t get me out of my funk.
For the umpteenth time, I had just lost my job, AGAIN, and I wanted somebody to pay! I drafted letters and summarized emails just to put everyone on notice! I even summoned past employees as character witnesses to prove the validity of my claim. I was spiraling and didn’t recognize it. I was in a slump. My household went from two incomes to one and because of it, my marriage was starting to decline. My familial circles were also suffering! It seemed I was pissed every day about something. BILLS! MONEY! LIFE! You name it, I complained! I was miserable and couldn’t get relief.
My mood was always sullen. I moped around in my pajamas, locked myself in the room, stayed under the covers, and used “blackout” shades to match the way I felt. I couldn’t push forward! I was in a place of self-pity and being the victim. If I were able to brush my teeth and take a bath that was good, but it was a chore! I couldn’t believe the state I was in. For the first time in my life, I couldn’t control my feelings. I was all over the place. Life handed me a curveball and I didn’t know how to pivot!
I recklessly went through every emotion…
Denial
I couldn’t believe it was happening to me.
Anger
I wanted to fight everything and everybody.
Bargaining
Lord! Please give me back my job.
Depression
What’s the point with any of it?!
Acceptance
Ok! I have no other options.
I sought counseling, therapy, and psychiatric help just to cope. I took medication and tried holistic approaches. After two months of prolonging the inevitable, my situation shifted, and I stopped whining. Literally! I STOPPED! I was lying in the middle of the bed looking up when I saw the VISION God gave me at age 11. It was an out-of-body experience and I had to move.
It’s hard to operate in a space not built for you. You can try, but you’ll always be the one making the adjustment. I realized I had made all the adjustments I was ever going to make. The decision to step out on faith was transformative! God kept HIS promise to me and a year later, I leaned into my gift and Levi&Toonk was born!
Learn more about Kia www.leviandtoonk.com Instagram:leviandtoonk
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