The Mess You Leave Behind: Things to Handle Before You Pass Away by Tammecia Smith

Tammecia Smith is a monument dealer with over 17 years in the death care industry. She is the owner of Melanated Memorials, a diverse line of headstones and monuments featuring African American angels. She’s dedicated to transforming the memorial industry by offering high-quality memorials that honor memories while celebrating diversity.  

I get it — life is hard, and death feels scary. Some people believe that discussing their demise is somehow summoning it. From years of experience in the death care industry, here’s the honest truth:

Death isn’t the enemy. Avoidance is.

Avoidance protects no one — it leaves families overwhelmed and unprepared while grieving. In this line of work, we talk about death like it’s a regular Tuesday. Not because we lack compassion, but because compassion is the job. We see the aftermath — the arguments, confusion, and frustration that could have been avoided with a plan in place. What you do (or don’t do) today will continue to impact the people you love.

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The First 24 Hours After You Pass

Your family is grieving the news of your passing — and while their wounds are fresh, they’ll be forced to answer questions like:

• Burial or cremation?
• Which funeral home?
• What cemetery?
• Where's the insurance policy?
• Who’s in charge?

All while contending with condolences, opinions, and pressure.

Final expenses average $15,000+. Families end up exhausted, fighting, confused, or creating GoFundMes.

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“But my parents won’t talk about it…

”Trust me, I’ve lived this. I asked my own mother where her insurance papers were.

She said: “None of your business.”

After some coaxing, she said they were in her safe. Great, right? I asked for the combination.
Her response: “You don’t need to know that.”
I reminded her, lovingly but firmly:
“I will cremate you before I start a GoFundMe.”
Sometimes, elders need tough love. Planning for your passing isn’t for you.
It’s for those left behind trying to survive without you.

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1️⃣ Estate Planning

Contact an attorney to set up:
• Power of Attorney
• Last Will & Testament
• Trust (if needed)

Puts everything in writing.
No confusion. No assumptions.

2️⃣ Pre-Need Arrangements

You can pre-pay for funerals and burials:
• Locks in today’s pricing
• Monthly payment options
• Removes financial burden
• Clarifies your wishes

This is an excellent option for those without life insurance.

3️⃣ End-of-Life Planner

A $20 planner can save your family hours of stress. Include:
• Personal details (legal info, military status, etc.)
• Funeral home/cemetery choices
• Burial or cremation preference
• Insurance & financial accounts
• Bank information — including the “secret stash” you’ll no longer need

And for the love of peace — update your beneficiaries.
Your spouse is not going to be pleased to find out you never removed your ex from the policy!

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Final Thought

Discussing death doesn’t summon it.
Silence, however, may amplify the suffering of those who are still trying to process the fact that you're gone.

Preparation is love.

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Stop putting it off:

• Ask the hard questions.
• Document everything.
• Update your beneficiaries.
• Have the conversation.

Your family deserves clarity, not chaos.

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Find out more about Tammecia

IG: melanatedmemorials

TT: @melanated_memorials

FB: MelMemorials