Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Top 10 Friendship Mistakes You May Be Making

Posted by BOSS Member 

Friendships are an invaluable type of support system that will help move you into your destiny. They’ll be your cheering squad yelling, “You can do it!” Friends will cheer you on no matter what and will reinforce your strengths and talents especially when you’re not completely convinced of them yourself.

Are you that type of friend? Or are you the one that prevents your friends from being the best that they can be? Being a good friend – as with any relationship – takes work. It takes a concerted effort to make a friendship better.

The list below includes some of the top 10 friendship mistakes people make based on my own observations, spending exorbitant amounts of time listening to others vent and through my own personal friendship inadequacies, all of which became recurring themes in each scenario. So without further adieu, the LIST!

1. You’re not a good listener.
You have no problem reaching out to tell your friends about your problems and putting all your weight on them but when the tables are turned, the conversation’s cut short, someone’s at the door, you’re on your way out, the dog has to pee, put your excuse here: __________________ but either way, you just don’t have time. Listening is truly a skill and as the old saying goes, “…that’s why God gave us one mouth and two ears.”

2. You’re overly critical and judgmental.
Your friends come to you and they’re all excited to tell you about something awesome that just happened to them that day, or want to tell you about the new guy or gal they just met or about some new invention they just came up with that will increase the world’s efficiency by 100% and you immediately knock them down. You tell them it won’t work, they can find someone better, there’s already something better, and so on and so forth. And that’s always the case. There’s a fine line between being a realist and being a crab. Don’t be a crab.

3. You don’t call enough.
With the advent of Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Digg, Stumble Upon…read me, find me, search me pleeeeease and the numerous other social media sites out there, this is what your friendship has now converted to. What happened to that archaic method of picking up the phone and dialing those 10 little numbers? Some people still long for that.

4 – 6. You harbor jealously, you’re not genuinely happy for your friends’ accomplishments and you’re not encouraging.
Numbers 4 – 6 I’m going to lump together, as they’re closely related. At some point or another, the green – eyed monster has reared its ugly head. Your friends seem to be the most engaging, most attractive, most intelligent and most accomplished and with everything going for them, your happiness has turned to sourness. You can’t be happy for them to save your life. Look at what you HAVEN’T accomplished for yourself and make the change there.

7. You allow your friendship to remain one-sided.
Your friend calls you all the time, your friend pays for the excursions all the time, your friend picks you up all the time, your friend listens to your problems all the time, your friend encourages you all the time, need I say more?

8. You’re not aware of your own friendship limitations and if you are, you don’t work to improve on them.
When I asked a friend of mine, what did they see as their ultimate friendship fault they said, “Uhhhh…nothing.” Coooome oooooon! No friendship is perfect. As we, as individuals change and grow, so does our friendships. There’s always room for improvement but you have to figure out what those improvements are.

9. You don’t communicate your friendship needs.
If you like to be called everyday or not, if you want to hang out every weekend or not, it is YOUR responsibility to articulate those needs to your friend. People have different friendship styles and a friendship trait that works for one may not work for the other. You have to let them know what works for you!

10. You lie.
This one would seem like a no – brainer but you do it all the time. You’re not honest with your friends. You invent stories to impress; you create a fantasy world with you as the main character with the hope of…..people liking you more? The web of deceit you’ve created will soon catch up to you so why not just let your friends see the real you?

Evaluate your current friendships to determine in what areas you may be lacking and work on the areas that need improving.

1 comment:

  1. Great points Veronica...this is a good self-check list!